Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize