ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Mom said you looked used
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
