there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
