hell yes lets make some ravioli
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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