No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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