If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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