did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
