Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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