I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
