Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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