I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
