I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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