you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
