so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
