i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
