A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
