I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
