handjob tips. give me some.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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