You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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