when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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