I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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