Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
