I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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