Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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