I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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