you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
