I got chris browned last night
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
