it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
