Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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