I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
