so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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