MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
