just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
