Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You're like the curious george of whores
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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