Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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