I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
