Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
