Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize