You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
