LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
