mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
