Your dad touched me again.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
