i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
