Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
