Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
