I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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