Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
