hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
