apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize