PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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