I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
