so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
