She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
