We won't sleep together?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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