i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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