Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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