my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
