so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
