I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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