They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
