I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
