when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize