Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
