we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
