Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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