So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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