they need to just BURY HIM!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
