thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize