A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
