Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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