The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
