omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
