Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
