Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
