I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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