Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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