I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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