peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
