I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
