yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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