hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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