I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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