we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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