it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
