God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
