I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's blow job season.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
