strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize