We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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