I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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