So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
