I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
