and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
