i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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