News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
