Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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