i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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