I cannot find my penis.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
